Most people deconstructing have spent the vast majority of their lives part of a wonderful, loving and supportive group.
A group with whom they can rely on, share their greatest joys and darkest sorrows.
However, there is usually a big asterisk next to that welcoming and embracing community… and it reads “*must believe like we do.”
This is where deconstruction often hurts the person most. It creates a huge divide between the person and their families, friends and community. They often go from everyones favorite person to public enemy number one. This can look like anything from harrassment to being completely ignored.
The consequences of navigating this alone
Research has shown there are a lot of positives that show up in the lives of those who deconstruct/disaffiliate/dechurch such as greater autonomy, freedom, self-discovery, trust in self, etc.
However it has also found consistently very negative impacts, more often than not heavily tied to the loss of community. This includes but is not limited to:
Increased risk of depression, anxiety and other mental health issues, a loss of idenity, stigma and isolation as well as doubt and uncertainty about their deconstruction.
The power of seeing myself in you
Group work can be so healing for many reasons but a huge one is that it helps us realise we aren’t alone. To have our experience reflected back at us through someone sharing their experience. To have people who “get it” in a way that nobody else does – even if their own journey is quite different to ours!
While I love the work I do in 1-1 sessions it is often in groupwork that I see the biggest shifts occur in people. Religion has often developed significantly harmful thought patterns – our own inner-oppresors.
Showing ourselves compassion, encouraging ourselves to trust that voice within, that our emotions matter… those things have been discouraged in us for so long it is hard to begin overcoming that…
However, paradoxically it seems, we are often very quick to offer others going through the same things compassion, encouragement and affirm their value.
Having peers who believe in you more than you believe in yourself (and offering that back) is one of the most powerful things you will find in the healing process of deconstruction.
How do groups work?
Each support group runs weekly for 8 weeks.
They are 2hrs long and you will be able to vote on a day / time that suits you.
If you sign up to the waitlist below you will be notified when a new group is opening up and be given a chance to vote on times/days that will work for you.
The group is not led by myself, it is led by the participants. Topics are picked by the group and discussions are navigated by the group.
It is not my group, it is yours.
The group is given access to my Patreon’s discussion server on Discord for 1 year.
You will be able to discuss things throughout the week in your own private channel as well as participate in other discussions on the server with over 100 other members.
Our groups are led by the participants themselves each week. I am only present as a facilitator to help ensure everyone is able to participate and feels safe. Each week tends to follow the following pattern:
- We will start our time together with a brief check-in to see how everyone is doing.
- Members of the group put forward a topic they would like to discuss.
- They then vote on the topic they want to discuss most that is not their own.
- The discussion starts by having the person who put forward the topic share why they wanted to talk about it.
- The group then discusses their experiences with the topic, whatever that might look like.
- As we come to the end of our time I will wrap up the time by doing a brief check-in to see how everyone is doing.
The group is designed to be a safe, non-judgemental space. You almost certainly won’t agree with everything others say. But that’s kinda the point! We have done existing in spaces where agreeing was the goal… that’s a big part of what brings us to where we are today!
Rather, we listen and ask questions to understand and help one another expore their understanding. We are all on equal footing in the group. There will be no loud voices who hog the time, or leaders who get to have a “final word.”
We value one another’s privacy and confidentiality is taken very serious. What is discussed in group stays in the group.
The space does not exist to preach, teach or convince other’s you have the right answers. The slightest hint of proselytizing will result in you being asked to leave.
Join the waitlist
You can register your interest in the next support groups to open up and join the waitlist by clicking here…
Get in touch
Or if you still have questions feel free to email me using the form below or for a faster reply and more casual chat shoot me a DM on Instagram.
 Hammer, Cragun, & Hwang (2012)
 de Souza, L., & Mitchell, J. (2018)
 Zellner & Martens (2018)
 Cimino, R., & Smith, C. (2011)