1-1 Coaching

How I work…

Learning by sitting

Over the last decade I have had the privilege to sit with thousands who have embarked (usually kicking and screaming) on the journey of deconstructing their faith.

Early on I had all too many answers. In time, I realised that answers were generally the least helpful thing I could bring to the table.

What people needed was someone to sit with them. Someone that understood, that knew how hard this is, that didn’t tell them what to do or how to do it. Someone who made space for them to process, grieve, feel all the spectrum of emotions deconstruction can bring.

Someone who from that place created a space for them to start to trust their thinking, trust their emotions, value themself and figure out for themself what life after deconstruction needed to look like for them.

I have no interest in getting you to believe what I believe or do what I do… My only goal is that you find for yourself what it looks like to love yourself wholly, heal from your painful experiences and live life to the max – whatever that looks like for you!

One person’s path to healing can be another person’s path to hell.

Deconstruction is not a pre-determined, “one size fits all” path

When you have witnessed so many people’s deconstruction you notice that there are indeed many similarities that overlap. However, you can never say that any two journeys will be the same.

Each person comes to deconstruction with a unique set of circumstances, upbringing, family, friends, relationships, beliefs, denomination etc. This means that what is deconstructed and how it is deconstructed is unique to every person.

What might heal one person could actually be harmful to another’s healing. In extreme cases, what might be a traumatic trigger for one person could be a soothing answer to another!

One charismatic worship pastor might become a progressive Christian, the next an Atheist, the next again might not even need label such things and lose all interest in religious discussion.

And you and I would probably guess the outcome wrong 9 times out of 10! (As evidenced by your pastor’s last tweet about deconstruction.)

You are the expert of your deconstruction

Because of this I have grown to strongly believe in a very person-centered approach when sitting with people who deconstruct.

You are the expert of your deconstruction.

Not anyone else.

Not only are you the expert of understanding and knowing where you have come from. You are the expert on where you need to go.

You might not know that yet and need to take time to figure it out… but don’t let anyone else fool you into thinking they somehow know what is right for you!

(We’ve all spent too many years letting religious authority figures dictate our paths. Let’s not get back on that horse for another ride!)

No direction, no set path

Over the years I’ve seen again and again, that two people who seem quite similar will frequently end up down extraordinarily different paths.

Seeing thousands of people end up in hundreds of different places has made me very adverse to being in any way prescriptive or trying to guide anyone’s footsteps.

While some might have a direction or goal in mind when helping others deconstruct. I try to approach the process as pluralistic.

I see a successful outcome for us working together as you feeling you taking the reins of your own life and heading in a direction that brings you more happiness and wholeness.

I couldn’t care less if you end up Atheist, Christian, Muslim or Satanist… Any of those could be success for me if it’s success for you.

Common issues in deconstruction

Deconstruction affects people in a myriad of different ways. Ultimately whatever the issues you find in your life because of deconstruction they are valid and very important to look at and explore. There is no right or wrong list of things you should or shouldn’t be struggling with.

There are however some things that are more common than others. I’ve listed some of these below as an example of the sorts of things I’ve helped people navigate over the years.

Navigating feelings of guilt and shame
Learning to trust your thoughts and emotions
Establishing healthy boundaries with others and developing autonomy in yourself.
Processing toxic theologies
Working through fear of being wrong, punishment and hell
Figuring out how to go about telling or not telling the people in your lives about your deconstruction
Feeling stuck or overwhelmed in your deconstruction
Grieving all the things your deconstruction has/will cost you

Navigating regret over choices made before deconstruction
Processing life purpose and meaning on the otherside of divine “calling”
Navigating working for religious organisations or churches as you deconstruct
Surviving in religious communities if you are not ready or able to leave them yet or don’t want to.
Navigating complex relationships, inc. family, friends and leaders
Finding new communities / friendships to replace the loss of your relgious community

There are of course a million and one other things we can sit and chat about.

Again, you are the expert on what you need to explore and where you need to go next.

FAQs

How much will it cost?

Short answer – $60 / hr
Long answer – keep reading…

Why I charge…
I love being able to provide almost everything I do for free. 100s of resources, tools to help people connect, research into deconstruction and chatting with people every day on social media etc.
However, ultimately at the end of the day I have to feed my family. So to cover my costs I offer a handful of coaching sessions and 1 support group a week as a paid service.
With that said I still want to be as flexible as possible so I offer a sliding scale as detailed below where you get to pick what feels good to you.*

Pay what you can afford...
The absolute bottom of what I can presently charge is $60 (US) / £50 an hour so people are welcome to chose whatever price they can afford from this baseline. If this is still completely out of question shoot me a DM and we can maybe try figure something out but I can’t promise anything.

If you find yourself in the privileged place in life where money is not as big a concern as it can be for so many in this world. I offer you the opportunity to pay more than my standard pricing – by doing so you help me cover my bills, continue doing the vast majority of my work for free and also help me offer subsidized pricing options to those less fortunate.

*A note about “what feels good”…
When talking about money, it’s that sweet spot where you feel you’re appropriately investing in something. Only you know what that number is for you, where you’re neither straining yourself to afford the thing, nor paying a number that represents undervaluing what you receive.
If that gives you pause, it’s okay. Take a minute and feel it out. :)

I am always happy to discuss my prices further if you need to. Just DM me on Instagram

These prices are accurate as of May 2023

Is this like therapy?

I actually am in the process of becoming a licensed counsellor here in the UK but that is not what this service is.

It is simply a safe space to chat about your deconstruction. Some might liken it to coaching.

Broadly speaking, I like to keep it simple – it’s just having a chat with someone who has held space for countless other conversations like this… you can feel safe to be yourself, be accepted and find no agenda other than a desire from me to listen and help you process whatever you need to as you deconstruct.

How often can we meet?

We can meet to have a single one-off chat. Or we can meet on a more regular basis.

A lot of people find this kind of work very intense and often what comes up in our sessions can take a while to process and settle in. Because of that while some want to meet weekly others often choose fortnightly or monthly.

Ultimately, as long as my schedule allows it, we can meet as often as works for you.

What does a session typically look like?

I’ll ask how you are doing and what brings you to our session and we take it from there.

It might look like you ranting and getting stuff off your chest. It could be us processing how a particular theology or instance in the church has shaped your life negatively. It can be us discussing a particular problem you are trying to solve, maybe navigating being married to someone who is still fundamental in their beliefs or you might going home for the holidays to be with religious family, or struggling with being fearful of hell.

In short, the chat looks like whatever you want it to look like. You’re in charge :)

Is there any support for me between sessions?

As always, whether you are working with me in a paid capacity or not, I am avaliable throughout the week on Instagram in my DMs to talk.
Additionally if you are working with me as a client you get a year’s free access to my Patreon only Discord community. This allows you to continue to process your deconstruction in a safe community of others also doing the work.

Will what you believe or your own journey be something we talk about?

Generally speaking no. I tend to try and avoid talking about my own journey and beliefs (or lack of them). This is a time to talk about you and your journey.

I may at times share something from my own path that might be helpful but more often than not if I have examples to share that I think would be helpful they will likely come from the countless deconstruction journeys of others that I’ve witnessed.

It is a common issue in those who deconstruct from fundamental faiths to create new authority figures in their lives, this is a trap people fall into regularly with those who try to coach or mentor people deconstructing. Because of this I do all I can to not give room for you to see me as an authority or someone who has answers or a path to replicate.

This is about you finding out what is right for you, not about emulating mine or anyone else’s journey!

How are calls done?

Calls are done via Google Meet. (It’s basically Zoom by Google)

If you use a computer/laptop this works seamlessly in your browser. If you are wanting to use a mobile device such as a phone or ipad you will need to install the Google Meet app.

Is what we talk about private and confidential?

Absolutely. I take confidentiality very seriously. Everything we talk about stays between us and is never something I would share with anyone else. There are two exceptions to this:
I occasionally may need to process something we discuss with my personal counsellor – no identifying information would ever be shared with them.
If you state any of the following things I am legally obliged to break confidentiality and work with you in seeking help with the appropriate agencies:
you have plans to harm yourself or others
you tell me of a child who is being abused
you tell me you are planning an act of terrorism

Is this like your support groups?

My support groups are very different to 1-1 coaching with myself – you can find out more about them here.

Still have questions or want to chat? Shoot me an email or DM me on Instagram

Sound good? Contact me to arrange a no obligation 20 minute introductory call.

If you feel having space to sit and chat about your deconstruction would be beneficial to you get in touch and we can setup a quick call to see if it would be a good fit.

You can email me using the form below or for a faster reply and more casual chat shoot me a DM on Instagram

Photo Credits:

One Way Sign – Philippe Gauthier

1-1 Coaching

How I work

Common Issues?

FAQs

Get in touch

How I work…

Learning by sitting

One person’s path to healing can be another person’s path to hell.

Deconstruction is not a pre-determined, “one size fits all” path

You are the expert of your deconstruction

No direction, no set path

Common issues in deconstruction

FAQs

Sound good? Contact me to arrange a no obligation 20 minute introductory call.