1-1 Coaching

How I work…

Learning by sitting

Over the last decade I have had the privilege to sit with thousands who have embarked (usually kicking and screaming) on the journey of deconstructing their faith.

Early on I had all too many answers. In time, I realised that answers were generally the least helpful thing I could bring to the table.

What people needed was someone to sit with them. Someone that understood, that knew how hard this is, that didn’t tell them what to do or how to do it. Someone who made space for them to process, grieve, feel all the spectrum of emotions deconstruction can bring.

Someone who from that place created a space for them to start to trust their thinking, trust their emotions, value themself and figure out for themself what life after deconstruction needed to look like for them.

I have no interest in getting you to believe what I believe or do what I do… My only goal is that you find for yourself what it looks like to love yourself wholly, heal from your painful experiences and live life to the max – whatever that looks like for you!

One person’s path to healing can be another person’s path to hell.

Deconstruction is not a pre-determined, “one size fits all” path

When you have witnessed so many people’s deconstruction you notice that there are indeed many similarities that overlap. However, you can never say that any two journeys will be the same.

Each person comes to deconstruction with a unique set of circumstances, upbringing, family, friends, relationships, beliefs, denomination etc. This means that what is deconstructed and how it is deconstructed is unique to every person.

What might heal one person could actually be harmful to another’s healing. In extreme cases, what might be a traumatic trigger for one person could be a soothing answer to another!

One charismatic worship pastor might become a progressive Christian, the next an Atheist, the next again might not even need label such things and lose all interest in religious discussion.

And you and I would probably guess the outcome wrong 9 times out of 10! (As evidenced by your pastor’s last tweet about deconstruction.)

You are the expert of your deconstruction

Because of this I have grown to strongly believe in a very person-centered approach when sitting with people who deconstruct.

You are the expert of your deconstruction.

Not anyone else.

Not only are you the expert of understanding and knowing where you have come from. You are the expert on where you need to go.

You might not know that yet and need to take time to figure it out… but don’t let anyone else fool you into thinking they somehow know what is right for you!

(We’ve all spent too many years letting religious authority figures dictate our paths. Let’s not get back on that horse for another ride!)

No direction, no set path

Over the years I’ve seen again and again, that two people who seem quite similar will frequently end up down extraordinarily different paths.

Seeing thousands of people end up in hundreds of different places has made me very adverse to being in any way prescriptive or trying to guide anyone’s footsteps.

While some might have a direction or goal in mind when helping others deconstruct. I try to approach the process as pluralistic.

I see a successful outcome for us working together as you feeling you taking the reins of your own life and heading in a direction that brings you more happiness and wholeness.

I couldn’t care less if you end up Atheist, Christian, Muslim or Satanist… Any of those could be success for me if it’s success for you.

Common issues in deconstruction

Deconstruction affects people in a myriad of different ways. Ultimately whatever the issues you find in your life because of deconstruction they are valid and very important to look at and explore. There is no right or wrong list of things you should or shouldn’t be struggling with.

There are however some things that are more common than others. I’ve listed some of these below as an example of the sorts of things I’ve helped people navigate over the years.

  • Navigating feelings of guilt and shame
  • Learning to trust your thoughts and emotions
  • Establishing healthy boundaries with others and developing autonomy in yourself.
  • Processing toxic theologies
  • Working through fear of being wrong, punishment and hell
  • Figuring out how to go about telling or not telling the people in your lives about your deconstruction
  • Feeling stuck or overwhelmed in your deconstruction
  • Grieving all the things your deconstruction has/will cost you
  • Navigating regret over choices made before deconstruction
  • Processing life purpose and meaning on the other side of divine “calling”
  • Navigating working for religious organisations or churches as you deconstruct
  • Surviving in religious communities if you are not ready or able to leave them yet or don’t want to.
  • Navigating complex relationships, inc. family, friends and leaders
  • Finding new communities / friendships to replace the loss of your religous community

There are of course a million and one other things we can sit and chat about.

Again, you are the expert on what you need to explore and where you need to go next.


Still have questions or want to chat? Shoot me an email or DM me on Instagram

Sound good? Join my waitlist and I’ll get in touch to arrange a no obligation 20 minute introductory call.

I have new spots come up every now and then so cannot give a timeline for how quickly I might be able to meet. Sometimes I have spots available right away, other times it can be a month or two depending on various factors. Either way sign up to my waitlist here and I’ll get in touch to arrange a chat to see if it might be a good fit.

Still have questions? You can email me using the form below or for a faster reply and more casual chat shoot me a DM on Instagram

Please note: This form is for those wishing to work with me in a coaching capacity. If you are looking to get in touch for another reason please DM me on Instagram instead I won’t reply to non-coaching requests via this email form.

Photo Credits:

One Way Sign – Philippe Gauthier

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